How to get over the worst kind of break up?
How long has it been? 2 Days? 2 Weeks? 2 months? 6 years?
But you still remember her? Still miss the sex?
"oh, I have had sex with a lot of girls, but she was truly something else!" No, it's in your head.
What else do you miss? her smile? the conversations? the times you spent with her?
You think she is special. Well, SHE ISN'T.
Step 1: Accept that you made a mistake.
You think she is special because she was YOUR girlfriend, and because you love yourself so much, you think YOUR ex was the best. You're basically obsessed with your own choice. Your brain tells you, you're so perfect and intelligent that you cannot make a wrong choice. But infact that's what you need to tell yourself. YOU MADE A MISTAKE.
Look at it logically, every guy who gets dumped by his girlfriend and isn't able to move on thinks his girlfriend was special. And there are millions of guys on this planet who haven't moved on, so clearly, there are more than a million girls on this planet right now who are freaking special.
Stop glorifying it. Stop letting your self obsession hurt your own self.
Step 2: Think of her as a tumor. She is a freaking cancer. Because only when you start thinking about her in these terms, you don't really feel that inclined to get her back. You don't want cancer back. She is ending your life, your soul is gradually dying, you are weak, depressed, and drenched in self loathing and self hatred. Where does that get you?
Screw all those break up songs that make you wanna drink alcohol and call her up in the middle of the night like a loser. You need to put a cork in your bollywood temptations, and enter reality.
You are wasting time. Every single day you spent wallowing in tears and regrets could have been the day where you achieved something, scored a monthly bonus at your job, got a business idea, invented something, composed a song, written a short story, or read a great book that completely changed your perspective on life.
Be grateful. If she is gone, the distraction is gone. And I call her the distraction because if she weren't one, she wouldn't have left you in the first place. And because she did, it implies she was eventually going to leave you. You just saved yourself years of being with a wrong person. Go celebrate.
Now I know what you're thinking, after this experience Will I ever love again? will I ever be able to trust someone again?
Well, it's a good thing that you won't be able to trust people blindly, isn't it? You'll more cautious, observant, careful, sceptical, and scared of inviting any random person the next time in your life. It's called being mature.
Step 3: Accept that she is never coming back.
Defy those who defy you. DEFY THOSE WHO DEFY YOU. Deny them any entrance in your life. Even if she wants to come back after a year or so. Did she lie to you, cheat on you?
In friendship, do you keep inviting the people back in your life who lied to you, stabbed you in the back, or betrayed your trust? No, because you have standards. We prefer loyalty in friendship. We trust our friends with our life. When you have such standards in choosing friends, why would you then want to be with a person who in full consciousness carried out a scheme that ripped your life apart? Why would you purposely want to compromise?
If she didn't feel any shame in lying to you, going behind your back and conducting something that she knew would hurt you, it only means one thing, she is a highly selfish human being. That is why, she didn't give a shit about you, and when the opportunity comes again, she wouldn't hesitate in doing it twice.
Also, don't ever ever ever ever get back with a person who cheated on you. There are just too many options in this world for you to even consider making that compromise. If she could hurt you like that, her love for you wasn't that real. There is no point.
Also, to men who make their ex girlfriends who cheated on them their arch enemy. Men who seek revenge. Dude, don't, you're much better than that. Your enemy is a direct reflection of who you are. The greater the enemy, the greater your personality is, so be ambitious. How would you feel if Sherlock Holmes's arch enemy was the girl who broke Watson's heart. Does that seem appropriate? Your ex is a piece of shit. If she is your arch enemy, then you're a piece of shit, which you're not. So, move the f--k on, dude!
Step 4: Don't do rebounds.
That is one stupid suggestion all your loved ones will give you at this point. It's stupid because it is basically picking up all your problems and then putting them somewhere else.
Point being, your problems still remain. Stop shifting them. Stop believing that you'll meet some magical person who will solve all the problems in your life. Those are movies, enter reality. The only person who is going to solve all your problems is you.
Take atleast 6 months off from dating. Experience the freedom of being alone after a long relationship. This is completely different from when you were single and never had a girlfriend. Both these states have an insane amount of difference, which is mainly perspective.
Then you were just a horny, desperate, fooled-by-movies, brave romantic idiot who thought having a girlfriend is the most important thing in the world.
Now you're a heart-broken, wise, experienced veteran who understands that the number of girlfriends has nothing to do with manhood or masculinity, that relationships are a lot of work with the risk that if you are with a wrong girl, your life can go to unimaginable directions.
Also, after a break up, you are emotionally messed up. You're dealing with pain, a sudden unexpected change, your life plans with that person have now gone down the drain, and most probably, you have lost your individuality.
You have to give yourself 6 months to deal with the emotional pain. And the best part is, because you're dedicated to moving on, the pain, instead of turning into suffering, will make you stronger and wiser.
Step 5 You have to cut all ties with her completely.
If you want to relieve yourself of all the pain, you have to understand it won't happen overnight. It's a process. You have invested months and years into this relationship, so the cleansing process will take time. Block her from every place, so there cannot be any exchange of messages, no chance of looking at her pictures, and no way of finding out what she's upto.
When you do that, your mind automatically goes into acceptance. It starts empowering you a little by little every single day. You might have heard, "time heals all wounds." Well, it's actually not time, it's your mind that heals all the wounds, and it takes time because every single day your mind has to diminish and undo all the previous routines, habits, and triggers you have developed around that person, and reinforce new habits into your system.
Also, a lot of guys call their ex because they think she is the medicine to their pain. You're in depression, and somehow talking to her makes you feel much better.
Do notice that she is the reason why you are experiencing this inescapable never ending pain, which makes her the disease. And the same person cannot be the disease as well as the medicine. I know you wanna call her. I know her voice calms you down and you feel normal. But since that is not a solution, what you're doing is, making her a drug. Every time you talk to her, you feel fine, but after an hour or so, you go back to that hankering again. By doing that, you become an addict of this person, which will make things even worse.
You have a brilliant mind, but you're not solving this problem creatively. Cut off 'calling her on the phone' from the list. Once that option does not exist, your mind will suggest multiple other things to do that can help you with your state.
Step 6 Focus on Achievements
You need to understand that by breaking up, you now have this wonderful opportunity to connect with your self. Discover who you are without that person. Discover your individuality, evaluate your personal achievements. Ask yourself, Are you at the position that you had always imagined yourself to be in this time of your life?
What are the things you believe you could have done and the changes your life would have seen had you remained single? Because believe it or not, most people make some terrible choices and disastrous compromises in relationships.
It's time for self analysis, retrospection, and introspection.
Lastly, If a person leaves you completely miserable, and doesn't give a shit if you're in a depression or completely wrecked, why would you even want to go back in that relationship?
That sounds like a relationship between a slave and a master.
Your happiness is your right. You can be happy right now, but you have to stop giving that right to other people. When you give someone the right to make you happy, you inevitably also give them the right to mess you up. And you can never be sure of which one they are going to exercise depending on their mood.