How to Chat with a Girl like a Man!

Here are some tips on how to chat with a girl like a man. (picture of james bond)

1- Type in full sentences.
2 - Learn to correctly use punctuations.
3- Make sense.
4- Don't be desperate. Women can smell that on you.
5- Be cool.
6 -Don't ever let her find out that chatting with her is a big deal for you. All the other guys are already doing it.
7- Use humor only to make her laugh, not to creepily convey how you feel about her.
8- Dont be sentimental and start telling her how lonely you are, or how your ex left you completely devastated and heart-broken. At the moment, she will sympathise with you, but subconsciously put you in the category of losers.

9- Don't ever tell her that you're looking for a girlfriend. That will make her run away from you faster than Flash on cocaine. 
10- Be direct. If you wanna ask her something, don't fuck around. Ask her. Exhibit confidence, it might even turn her on.
11- Don't type LOL at the end of every sentence. Act seriously. Even when you're cracking a joke, because the whole point of cracking a joke is not to make yourself, but the other person laugh.
12- Don't talk about your work, office, friends or politics, instead talk about her work, office, and friends.
13- Use as fewer emoticons/emojis as you can. Emoticons are childish, insignificant and a 21st century invention. I recommend the usage of emoticons only if you purposely want to show her that you are an idiot and severely brain damaged.

14 - Stop sending her messages if she didn't reply to the first one. Have some self respect.
15 -Tell her she is the only girl you enjoy chatting with, and all the other girls you have ever met were either silly or lame. Give her exclusivity.
16- Constantly invade boundaries. You will never find out how much she is willing to share if you don't push boundaries with your questions. And if she doesn't want to share something, she will type, "that's too private", or "it's too personal."
Instead of saying, "sorry," or pretending like you made a mistake, type, "well, then please don't."
Don't forget to add that please. The please tells her that you respect her. And the rest tells her that you didn't care about the answer anyway. After that, wait. In 30 seconds, she will answer your personal question. Works every time.
17- Don't ever begin chatting with a girl with the feeling in your mind that you want her. If that is your approach, you unconsciously transfer the power on her side. Chat with the idea that she wants you, which means you neither disrespect her, nor kiss her ass. If you approach any girl with that attitude accompanied by gentlemanly behavior, she will ultimately automatically start wanting you.
17 -Be specific about your compliments. By doing that, you give her the impression that you are an admirer of her beauty, and not flirting with her. For example, never say stuff like, "you are beautiful," or "you have a pretty smile." Instead make elaborate observations. For example, talk about her hairstyle from the current picture and compare it with the last different hairstyle from her previous pictures. Just by doing that you earn yourself fifteen minutes of undivided attention from her.
18 -Don't ever comment on her pictures in the comment box. Instead comment on them in the chat box, chances are she will start sharing more pictures of herself for you to personally comment on; pictures that aren't even on her profile. 

19- Don't apologise to a girl about any of your remarks. Unless she is offended or overly defensive about it and tells you that this is the last time she is talking to you.
Then apologize immediately, followed by the explanation that you were only being honest, and if she doesn't appreciate honesty, then you'd be more than willing to lie to her in accordance to whatever she wants to hear.
After hearing that, she will apologize to you.
20- Don't ever refer to a girl as 'dear', unless you are her actual grandfather. In any other case, calling a girl 'dear' makes you sound like a wealthy murderer.
21- Try to end your message with a question.
22- Change the topics in every two or three minutes to avoid boredom. Unless the topic requires a lot more exploration, or the topic has just revealed a lot of information about her, or it's one of the favourite things she likes to talk about in which case she wouldn't stop typing. In that case, stick to the topic.
23 -Compliment more on her brains than her beauty. Actually, never compliment on her beauty. Avoid that shit. It's been done to death by every other guy she has met. Instead compliment on her body, that's what girls really seem to like nowadays.
22 - If it is always you who initiates the chat, then it's time to move on. Chances are that she either has a boring job with lots of free time, or a loser, which means she chats with a lot of guys to pass her time. For her, you'll always be texting buddy. Don't become somebody's time pass.
23- Most girls are still deeply in love with their exes. If you ever sense that she might not be over him, move on. Plenty of fish in the sea, my friend.
25- Stop using acronyms, abbreviations, and short forms like it was still 2005. You're not typing an sms on a nokia phone with the moonlight on anymore. 
And most importantly, be a man, and be proud to be a man. Most guys nowadays get friendzoned or sidelined because all they do is kiss-ass no matter what. If you just become a robotic conformist, she will never see you as an individual but a slave. If you disagree with her, tell her, if she gets offended by your explanation, or stops talking to you because you disagreed with her. Good for you, it's better than saying nice things to her face and then calling her an idiot behind her back.
I hope you will follow these tips. And if you have some tips, some hidden secrets only you have unravelled, share them with us in the comment box below. I would love to read them.